


Gamzee the Sword-Swallower

by FailureArtist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Circus, Deepthroating, Exhibitionism, Humanstuck, M/M, Rough Oral Sex, Size Kink, side shows, vaguely historical au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2015-02-17
Packaged: 2018-03-13 09:38:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3376721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Homesmut Prompt: According to paradoxspace.com, Gamzee was apparently capable of swallowing a juggling club before he turned thirteen years old. Imagine what he could do with that talent when he reached adulthood.</p><p>Wrote this long ago but I have a sudden urge to post it on AO3 tonight. Maybe because this is story 69?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gamzee the Sword-Swallower

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This takes place in some sort of era in the past when they still had freak shows and Little People were called midgets and intersex people were called hermaphrodites. There is implied Aradia/Equius but it’s background. Vomit mention. Alcohol mention. Line-crossing.

Though many ordinary folks looked down on it, it wasn’t a bad life being a carny. You got to travel around from town to town and see the country, you got to eat all the leftover hot dogs and cotton candy, and best of all, you got a family in all the other carnival folks. Gamzee loved being a carny. He loved finally being around people who accepted him and didn’t think he was weird. In fact, he was one of the more normal people in his adopted family, not that he’d ever say that.

 

His own biological family looked down on him because he wasn’t interested in working in the family business, but Gamzee didn’t want to help them go off and start wars. After his often-absent father died, he ran away from home and ended up working at a travelling carnival. At first, he just did boring work setting up and taking down the carnival, but one day the Sword Swallower took ill and Gamzee stepped up to take his place. The side show manager was worried at first and tried to talk Gamzee out of it until he saw what Gamzee could do. Gamzee was put on the stage and he did a great job. Not only could he perform the stunts, he was also funny and charismatic. The old Sword Swallower retired for medical reasons and the fresh-faced punk took over his job. Not only swords but also juggling clubs and crowbars went down his gag-free throat. In addition, he would also eat keys and regurgitate them. He was a miracle.

 

However, townies were getting tired of such acts. Every travelling carnival had the same ones. Profits were going down. So the side show owner decided to set up a secret adult carnival. This was a big chance since it required a big payoff to the police in every town visited, but the owner hoped the carnival could still make a large enough profit to make it worth it. The adult carnivals would be held far away from the midway, somewhere in the nearby woods or even miles away in a rented garage. The adult patrons would be scouted by prompters and given directions to the event.  When there, they would pay a high price to get in but they were told it would be worth it. Inside they could see the attractive performers of the side show totally naked and they could verify the hermaphrodite really did have two sets of genitals. Sometimes they could see real live sex acts.

 

Gamzee was not immediately recruited for this project. He was both too ugly and not ugly enough to be an act worth watching. However, though he wasn’t attractive, he was popular sexually.  Many of the men, a couple of the women, and the hermaphrodite had all taken the sexual services he gave freely. The side show owner was the last to take advantage of this and asked Gamzee for a blowjob. However, as he saw the sword-swallower swallow the owner’s above-average penis, he suddenly came up with a great idea: Gamzee could put on a show using that talent! The owner then passed out drunk on the toilet. The next morning he had a hangover but he still wanted to go through with the idea. He told Gamzee the idea and the now-nineteen-year-old agreed.

 

But who would be Gamzee’s partner? The owner had a good-looking prop for Gamzee to use but while the owner was good at cajoling other people to undress on stage, he didn’t want to do it himself and besides, he was too busy. While various other names were bandied around, Gamzee spoke up and said maybe he could just do any motherfucker in the tent with a big enough bone? He was sure a miracle would deliver them the greatest bone possible. The owner decided maybe the addled-brained punk had a point. They could do it by audience participation. It was very risky but then again the whole endeavor was risky. The gimmick could turn out to be a huge draw. Marks would hear they could show off their endowments and they’d come rushing in to volunteer. To make sure there were plenty of marks horny enough for this, they put Gamzee’s act at the end of the nudie show.

 

The idea actually worked. Marks did come up with boners ready. Some nights they had multiple marks come up and they’d have a measuring contest. Some nights the volunteering mark had a boner only they and their mother would think was big but Gamzee still played them up. He always made the mark feel like the most special motherfucker in the tent.

 

One night there was a very special motherfucker in the tent. Actually, on that night, the tent was a rented garage. The building was drafty and unheated and though it was late April the weather hadn’t warmed up. Still, eighty-four warm bodies, men and a few women, had packed into the space. After more than two hours of acts, the master of ceremonies introduced “Gamzee Miracle and his Extra-Special Sword Swallowing”. Gamzee came on stage with a purple jumpsuit with sequin penises decorating it and sat on a sturdy table. He started off with some patter about how amazed he was at everything in the show and how wonderful the audience was. He was never lying, he was always amazed. The MC stopped him to ask for a demonstration of his art. Gamzee hit his forehead with his palm before asking for Jane (she was such a nice gal, he’d had sex with her before) to bring him his demonstration sword. The blade was ordinary but the handle was pink with two balls on it. It had been specially-made after it was proven that Gamzee’s act was worth it. As Gamzee did the demonstration, the MC pointed out to anyone who still didn’t get it that the handle looked like a penis. He talked about how wonderful it would feel to be the sword. When the strange sword was out of Gamzee’s mouth, the MC said “But one lucky fellow here won’t have to use his imagination. Yes sirs, Gamzee will take on the biggest sword in the crowd, all for your viewing enjoyment! Who will it be? Stand up if YOU think you’ve got the most looooongest, most thickest fellow in all the crowd!”

 

Nobody in the crowd moved. This wasn’t a disaster, often times they’d have to call for a volunteer more than once. They just gave more encouragements and cajoles and offered to bribe volunteers with a kiss from Jane.  Gamzee drawled to the audience, “Don’t worry, I don’t bite, unless a mother-“

 

But suddenly, a very tall man stood up with a yelp. Everyone in the silent garage looked at him. He moved to sit back down when the lady next to him cried out as she pointed at him with finger pistols, “This guy volunteers!”

 

This was not the first time someone had “volunteered” someone else. However, in those cases it often turned out the rube had a penis on the other side of the record and their helpful friend was pulling a prank. The carnies had grown suspicious of such cases. The MC asked the man, “Sir, do you really want to volunteer? It’s okay if you say no.” Gamzee added, “It’s alright, this is just for fun, don’t need to do nothing you ain’t wanting.”

 

The man looked down at the long-haired woman (was she his girlfriend or his wife?) and she whispered something that had the word “ordered” in it. The man looked back up and croaked something out. The MC repeated his question and the man shouted back “YES I DO SUBMIT TO THIS HUMILATING ACT! DO NOT QUESTION ME AGAIN!” Gamzee flinched. The MC replied, “Uhm, well…follow our lovely assistant and come on stage!”

 

The man followed the ever-helpful Jane onto the stage into the light and Gamzee got his first good look at him. He was certainly a big man at six feet four inches and very heavily-built, but Gamzee knew from much experience that the biggest motherfuckers didn’t always have the biggest ones. He’d seen some huge ones on the smallest of dudes, sometimes even on actual midgets. Dick size was a strange miracle. The heavily-built man was lightly-dressed for such chilly weather in a tank top and shorts. His legs were covered in long stockings. Oddly enough, on his feet were cleats. Despite it being night he wore sunglasses. His black hair was much longer than customary in men and he didn’t wear it in a ponytail. He was a queer motherfucker, Gamzee thought, but Gamzee liked queer motherfuckers.

 

“Alright!” he cried as he hopped off the table, “We got a motherfucker!”

 

The MC took his microphone up to the man. “So, fine sir, what should we call you?” He asked that way because the rube might not want to say his name.

 

The man said softly into the microphone, “Equius Zahhak.” It was an odd name but it didn’t sound like he was making it up.

 

“Hey, Equbro!” Gamzee cried. He slapped the man on the back though he regretted that when not only did his hand hurt from the hard muscle, it was wet with sweat. Oops.

 

“Could you not do that?” Equius growled.

 

Gamzee held his sore hand in his other hand. “Touch you? Cause I’m going to do more than…”

 

“Don’t give me a pet name.”

 

The MC said, “We’ll keep that in mind, Mr. Zahhak. Is Mr. Zahhak okay?” Mr. Zahhak nodded. “Okay, Mr. Zahhak: have you enjoyed the show so far?”

 

“It has been deprav – acceptable. I shall not nag about the show.”

 

“What was your favorite act?”

 

“I…liked the re-telling of the Lady Godiva story. It was most…educational.”

 

Gamzee chimed in. “That story was a miracle! All them motherfuckers, not peeping at her - ‘cept the one who did – and she did it all to get some help on for the peasants ‘cause her man was harshing on them. What a gal.”

 

“And the horse was such an exquisite Arabian.”

 

The MC said, “Yes, I think we all enjoyed that act – especially the men who love their ladies with long LONG hair.”

 

“Oh yes, long long hair,” Equius replied as he looked out at the audience, presumably at his long-haired lady.

 

“But let’s see how long YOU are.”

 

Gamzee added, “And he ain’t talking ‘bout your mane.”

 

Equius sighed. “I suppose I should.”

 

“Now turn towards the audience and show them the big boy! Don’t worry, you don’t have to get nude!”

 

“Even though you should! You look swell and those clothes look damp-ass!” Gamzee clarified. The MC shot him a look and Gamzee just shrugged.

 

The “volunteer” turned towards the audience and got into the spotlight. The MC cued up a drum roll. However, the mark had problems unbuttoning his shorts because his hands were so sweaty. He whispered he needed help and he turned to Gamzee. Gamzee easily unbuttoned the shorts and then his button-fly boxers. Before the drummer could totally lose his patience, Equius fished out the organ everyone had been waiting to see.

 

The audience gave a gasp and even the seasoned Gamzee gave a squeak. He had seen an eight-inch penis before but he had rarely ever seen a penis that was eight inches when soft. The bearer was sweaty and fidgety but he didn’t seem to be aroused.

 

The MC whistled. “Now look at that! It seems we’re in for quite a show tonight! Let’s give him a hand!”

 

Everyone clapped. Some people whistled, including the long-haired lady who had promoted the rube to stardom.

 

“And now, let’s let our lovely assistant give our volunteer a hand!” the MC said.

 

On cue, the always-helpful Jane came up to the volunteer. Among her jobs was to fluff up the volunteers, on the principal they might respond better to the touch of a woman rather than a man. Gamzee thought some of them, perhaps one in ten, would prefer a man’s touch. But for those men there was always the miracle of fantasy, Gamzee supposed.

 

However, Equius flinched away when she reached for him. Jane whispered, “Don’t be so shy, it’s part of the act.” He looked out at the audience and when the ladyfriend shouted “Go for it!” he turned back and let the assistant do her magic.  

 

And did her magic she did. His already large endowment kept getting longer and longer and fatter and fatter at every stroke and it just kept on coming. The audience sat spellbound. Finally, the MC asked, “Wow, son, you got anymore for us? Lovely assistant, do you think he’s ready?”

 

She nodded. The MC took a ruler out of his many pockets. “But before we begin, let’s measure this fine flesh-sword to see exactly how big a feat it will be swallowing this!” He dramatically gave the ruler to the assistant. After she whispered something that was probably her normal warning about how she’d have to poke a little into his crotch, she took the ruler and measured him. The ruler was not enough. The penis surpassed twelve inches. The audience gasped and even the people in the show, including Gamzee, were surprised. This had never happened before.

 

The MC pulled out a cloth measuring tape from another pocket. “Don’t worry, this baby can handle four yards…I’m sure our fine specimen isn’t that big.” He handed it to the assistant and she measured him again, this time with the tape.

 

She read off it, “Thirteen inches?”

 

“Whooooa, unlucky thirteen,” Gamzee said, “Or lucky thirteen? Thirteen probably always bringin’ you miracles.”

 

“I don’t have a favorite number,” Equius mumbled.

 

“Maybe thirteen should be your favorite number!” the MC replied to the unheard remark.

 

“It’s mine!” yelled the ladyfriend.

 

“Next, we’ll measure your girth. We got to have aaaaall the facts. This is an educational show, right?” The MC winked at the audience.

 

The lovely assistant took the tape and wrapped it around the thickest part of the erection. She then read the measurement. “Eight inches…” she said, her surprise apparently burnt out by this point.

 

The MC said, “An eight inch circumference, all around! And those people who remember their schooling will know to get the girth you just need to divide by 3.14 and that makes…”

 

Equius interrupted, “Two point five four seven seven seven.”

 

“I see you’ve done your homework, sir!”

 

“I…I…have never done anything as egotistical as measure myself. I just happen to be skilled at arithmetic.”

 

Gamzee replied, “You don’t need to do no arthmeticin’ to know when you’ve got the biggest one. All the provin’s right there. Now let’s get on with the act, ‘kay?”

 

“I too would like to get this over with,” muttered the “volunteer”.

 

“Then let’s get this show on the road!” the MC said.

 

Though many people expected Gamzee to do his act on his knees, instead what he’d do was lay on his back with his head just off the table. He got himself into position and the “volunteer” was lead towards his head. Gamzee got to see the miracle hover above his own two eyes. He finally got the chance to touch it. It was perfectly moistened by precum but it was softer than Gamzee hoped for. However, that was to be expected after all the awkward waiting. It would soon revive.

 

Gamzee opened up his mouth so wide it almost looked like the top of his head would fall off. Some people thought his trick was to dislocate his jaw, but no, he just had a wide jaw. He kept his lips curled over his teeth. The drum roll started. Gamzee’s mouth enveloped the fist-sized beginning of his huge project. The volunteer sighed loudly just at this and Gamzee could feel him not only harden but could taste him leaking precum. Both the volunteer and Gamzee were ready.

 

The drum roll started. The volunteer didn’t move for a while but after some prodding started to move himself forward. Gamzee kept as still as possible and didn’t breathe as the thirteen inches slowly went into his mouth and down his esophagus. He made swallowing motions to get it down further. Even with all his practice and experience he still had to tell himself from time to time to RELAX MOTHERFUCKER RELAX. Deepthroating was a miracle but it was a miracle hard-earned.

 

The penis seemed never ending and Gamzee almost feared it would end up in his stomach but eventually it ended and his lips reached the root. The drum roll stopped and Gamzee gave a long awaited exhale through his nose and resumed normal breathing. The audience gave uproarious applause. The MC asked something of Equius that Gamzee couldn’t hear because he was in-between a pair of choice thighs but he assumed it was an inquiry on the volunteer’s feelings. The volunteer sighed an answer. The audience started clapping again when suddenly the volunteer seized the deepthroater’s head and started to hump it forcefully. Normally the mark was supposed to back out and not finish getting off. Gamzee always felt sorry for the blue-balled rube having to go back down into the audience with a stiffy and that’s why he didn’t make any sort of struggle now. He felt especially sorry for this motherfucker since he’d probably never gotten his thirteen inches fully wet. Gamzee heard later that the motherfucker was apologizing a storm as he face-fucked Gamzee. Gamzee raised his thumbs in approval though the carnies still tried to save him.

 

Even though it was painful for Gamzee he still felt a stiffie he couldn’t suppress. It was mighty queer but giving head just did something to him. He was wired weird. In the act he was supposed to hide his erections unless he reveal that he wasn’t an unpassionate performer just doing his job. The management thought straight fellows would be uncomfortable having sex with a homosexual. Gamzee knew from experience that wasn’t true and besides he was only half-gay. Still, he wore tight underwear and a loose jumpsuit.

 

The man stopped thrusting and Gamzee could only tell by the throbbing of the penis. The man pulled out and the glorious breathless floating feeling stopped. The performer sat up and started coughing. He was going to need so much lemon tea after this. Lemon tea with gin in it.

 

The MC cried out weakly, “Uhh, the Miraculous Gamzee! Let’s give him a hand!”

 

The audience clapped and Gamzee gave little head bows from his seated position. He couldn’t speak.

 

“And his partner, Equius Zahhak!” the MC continued.

 

Equius Zahhak, his flaccid but still huge penis tucked back into his shorts, took a bashful bow.    

 

“And how do you feel, sir?” the MC asked Equius.

 

“Sorry. So very very sorry. This was the most disgraceful moment in my life.”

 

The MC ignored this reply. “I think we all enjoyed the show! Thank you for coming!”

 

Equius leaned over into Gamzee’s ear and whispered, “I am extremely sorry for this, odd carny.”

 

Gamzee still couldn’t talk so he gave the okay sign to the volunteer. The volunteer disappeared off the stage as if into the void, taking with him the long-haired woman.

 

Though the carnival tried to find Equius Zahhak and offer him a job, they couldn’t. There were more Equius Zahhak’s than they thought in the phonebook. There was not enough time for a thorough search and they were never able to play that town again. Still, Equius Zahhak remained in Gamzee’s mind all of the carny’s miraculously long life.

**Author's Note:**

> Jane is not Jane Crocker. She’s your nanna. She never told you about that era of her life, did she?


End file.
